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Why Am I Tormented By The Dead?!
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New Fashion Trend: Designer Uteruses!
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Bleeding Is Fun
(sung to the tune of "Bleeding Is Fun")
When I'm by myself, in my home
I don't want for nothing that I don't own
I'm looking for God... Hey, where'd he go?
I took apart my toaster because he told me so.
I killed all the cats in my neighborhood.
I keep 'em in the freezer so they'll keep real good.
I'm eating paste and I don't know why.
My TV hates me. MY TV GONNA DIE!
and when I'm sad... when I frown.. when I'm feeling down...
I just get drunk.. I grab a knife.. and cut myself up...
Because Bleeding Is Fun
Bleeding Is Fun
(copyright 1999, Insect13 music Inc.)
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Boring Man Demands Extra Mayonnaise; 18 Dead, Hundreds Injured
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FOR SALE barely used Gucci designer uterus. will trade for several small, fur-bearing mammals. box250
WILL PAY $$$ For unwanted Chicken Pox, wood glue, transistor radios and gravy. business. 555-8079
BWTS-SMBD looking for FUWG for SFIEAH I like long walks to the convenience store and people who smile. Call, we'll set fire to your stuff. box653
FOR SALE $17. Asking $8. Fnim Fnith 555-2643
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Toddler Beheaded Playing Hungry Hungry Hippos! Parents Threaten Lawsuit!
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Today In Sports!
A local popular sports team was mercilessly exsanguinated and teased by a less popular team. Score was 3 to 3.
Weather Report by Ffarrnderg Ipthwistle:
I looked outside earlier and it was okay. I think it will remain okay until I change my mind.
National News:
Nothing really important happened anywhere today. So I suppose I'll recite a HAIKU made up ENTIRELY ONTHESPOT.
Bleeding Is Fun - A Haiku
Oops, is that my fork?
It seems to have pierced my head.
Look at all the blood.
(copyright 1999 Insect13 Haikus Inc.)
If You Love Me Send Me INTERESTING (note:"interesting") Mail At- [email protected]
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